I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
