If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
