i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
