I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
