I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
