We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize