Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
