Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ketchup is God's man juice
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
