I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
