I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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