I would do horrible things to your vagina.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
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Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.