I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
