dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
