Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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