Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
