pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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