Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
pray to the hookup gods
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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