dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
