Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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