He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
