Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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