Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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