Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
