youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
