Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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