apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
