She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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