Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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