4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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