Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I believe in your delicious
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
