return my video game
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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