I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize