jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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