bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
