M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
