I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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