i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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