for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
