First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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