so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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