Christians are straight up FREAKS
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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