I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
