Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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