I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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