Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
