Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
