i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
