Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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