Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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