i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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