good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize