I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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