Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
sarcasm needs its own font
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
