I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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