i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
