I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want nice things and good sex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
