It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
