Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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