I think I am morally bankrupt
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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