You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
