Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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