I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
