Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
