Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize