ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
