Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
