He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
