Me too!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
