I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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