I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
