he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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