You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
