two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
