Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
