Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
