I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
