Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
