just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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