Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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